Attracting a Mate You Love Living With – Our Story

 

Attracting a Mate You Love Living With – Our Story

Our story begins with my name being “Tink.” I looked like a fairy and wore glitter. But hey, I was only around 25+ when my husband noticed me. (I always say he was stalking me, but you know there are always two sides to every story!) He never introduced himself to me, but he watched me become successful from afar. He said he always wanted a woman that knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it.

He really knew what he wanted in a mate. After all, he had it all written down. Not in the detail of appearance, but in personality, desires…ok, strong calves was on there and a firm handshake, but mostly it was interests, like cooking and gourmet food. Boy, did he nail that one! Each time he met someone he would add to the list. He was using each person he met as contrast…what he liked, what he didn’t like and wrote everything down on a list of his dream woman. He gave it to me after we met and said he was “done.” Incredibly sweet, right? How can you know what you want, if you are only talking about what you don’t want?

Dream Partner List

Todd wasn’t settling until he found the person that matched the list. His mom told me that they would have conversations about his frustration with not finding “her” yet. But he still didn’t settle. Note that there was not a list of what he didn’t want. He just kept asking “Where is she?”

You can be aware of what you don’t want, but you can’t keep thinking about it and telling stories about a bad romance. Otherwise, you are giving attention and therefore attracting the same bad relationship over and over.

Finding a soul mate for many can be an obsession until you find them. All too often, that leads to settling for the first person that comes along. I think that is due to the fact that people really haven’t thought clearly enough about the characteristics they truly want in a mate. We make decisions based on tradition, or what our family wants, and not what WE really need.

Before I met Todd, I went through a very short marriage that ended in divorce. I knew the day we married that it was wrong. We didn’t get married because of a fancy wedding or party. We got married because that’s what we were supposed to do after living together for a couple of years, right? No, not at all. We were essentially romantic roommates. We were not heading in the same direction and we certainly weren’t meant to be together. It was inevitable that it would end because we were growing in opposite directions. There was nothing wrong with either of us individually. There was something wrong with us together. And I’m so glad we moved on and didn’t stay in a bad marriage when neither of us was happy.

How We Met

After a few mediocre and some fun relationships, I ended up meeting Todd at a convention we were attending in August of 2004. He gave a speech after winning an award that was inspiring, and he spoke of his mom and how much he respected and adored her. How you have to be fearless and go after your dreams. I sat there at a table up front listening to his wingman beside me tell me all kinds of made-up stuff about Todd, like he was in Mensa and a total genius.  He probably told me he was the club president. Hilarious. I do think he is a genius but he was totally saying anything he could to get me interested because he knew Todd had a crush on me. Isn’t he cute?

I can’t remember everything he said about Todd but I told him to re-introduce me. We had met briefly the night before but I was totally under the influence and it was a short conversation. This picture was taken minutes after meeting again (totally sober), 11 years ago. You should’ve seen the braces I was wearing at the age of 29 that I bought and paid for myself. He thought that it was amazing that I was taking charge and doing that to better myself. (What a great guy!) In the picture, our conversation went something like this.

The First Five Minutes

Me: “I’m looking for a husband” (I was 29 and tired of dating losers and not trying to get laid, trying to plan my future, and I knew what I wanted!)

Todd: “I’m not getting married…Do you have kids?”

Me: “No, do you want kids? (And he planted a kiss on my lips within 5 minutes of meeting me.)

Yeah, right he wasn’t ready to get married! It was like a nuclear explosion when we met. We didn’t sleep for 4 solid days because we never stopped talking! I lived in North Carolina and he lived in Washington State, 3000 miles apart. We knew he would be getting on an airplane and I would be driving home. We knew that night that we would be getting married. When you are so clear about your purpose, the person you want to spend your days with, and you aren’t resisting meeting that person by being with someone else you know is wrong for you, your paths will collide. Usually when you least expect it. Here we are in Lake Norman where I took him to see my home the month we met.

Wooing Each Other Across the Country

We started flying back and forth across the country so we could be together. The next week after he left, I surprised him by flying to Seattle for his birthday on August 16th. And then we continued going back and forth every couple weeks until I finally moved with everything I own in the back of a Penske truck across the country. I left my house empty, had my braces removed the day before we left and expected someone to rent my house with no worries. I just knew everything would be fine, and it was. We spent 5 days driving from Lake Norman, North Carolina to Seattle, Washington with my 2000 sq ft house packed in the truck. It was an adventure and so much fun being so in love.

I Said Yes!

This photo was taken a couple of minutes after Todd FINALLY asked me to marry him in February about 6 months after we met. Because you know I asked him every day when he was going to ask me. I had moved my whole life to Seattle, and ya know I’m a southern girl!

Put a ring on it!

We ended up getting married back in North Carolina after moving in April, from Seattle BACK to North Carolina, as Todd was offered a position that we couldn’t refuse. After all, I was returning to my home state where the sun hangs out most of the year!

The Wedding

It was an old Hollywood feel at the Grandover Resort in November. The weather was perfect, the day was perfect and we were surrounded by family.

The best part for me was seeing Todd at the bottom of the staircase for the first time in my wedding dress while his best man played classical Spanish guitar at the top of the stairs. This photo was snapped after we saw each other and I cried all my makeup off. I was so nervous walking down the stairs while his back was to me and he just kept saying “It’s just me.” Brings me to tears just to think about it.

The Food, The Party, The Fun!

One of the items on his list was “loves to dance”, and that would definitely be me, so we partied well into the night. People still talk about the food and the party! I’m so glad we took the time to create a night to remember! Did I mention the food?? Grandover really knows how to make memorable incredible food!

Paris, Finally!

For our 10 year anniversary, we went to Paris, which was a dream of mine since I speak French. It was so cool to see the Lock Bridge, covered in love.

We made many memories and loved every minute of the castle adventures, good wine, amazing food and seeing as much as we could in the two weeks we were there.

Both of us love so many of the same things which make life so fun but support each other in our own goals, which keeps our lives interesting. We could sit at a cafe, people watch and talk all day in Paris. It was a dream come true. There is no one I would rather spend my time with than my husband. We’ve been married since November 5, 2005.

Family Life

Nothing has been sweeter for either of us than the birth of our little mini-me’s. Completing our little family are a little girl named Skylah and a little boy named Tristan. They are growing so fast.

Can you imagine what my life would be like without those two precious, loves-of-my-life? I ended relationships that I was in  because I wanted to have children and the person I was with did not. Why settle? You will never be happy with someone else as a partner until you know how your own life will unfold. You have to be a team. In this together. Encouraging each other. Still holding hands, no matter if it has been 5 years, 10 years or 30 years. You have to remember why you loved someone, to begin with, especially when the daily grind of child-rearing, jobs, money stress, physical changes, etc. all start to take their toll, like the game of who does more. It doesn’t matter who put the kids in bed or who did the dishes last. Snuggle up on the couch and talk for a minute. Hold hands and enjoy the company of your mate. Relationships that last are partnerships. We have a partnership, we both add to the relationship in different and equal ways.

Still Going Strong

I am still in love after fifteen years and I’m looking forward to our future. I’m not going to say it has been all rose petals and warm baths because we all have struggles. It’s how you overcome them, are honest with each other and move on confidently in the direction of your life together.

If you are truly unhappy in a relationship the best advice I can give you is to make a list of what you like about your partner.  If that is what you focus on, then they will become that to you or they will find a way to disappear from your life, as my ex did. He made it easy for me to move on. There is no point in living every day with someone who makes you miserable. It will affect every part of your life. First your happiness, then your health, then everything just falls apart, because good relationships are crucial to a life worth living.

Make your list, live your best life and spend it with someone who deserves you.

Happy Anniversary Todd, I love you now as I did the moment I saw you.

Laura

“Lovers and soulmates don’t finally meet somewhere, they were in each other all along” -Rumi

Related Blogs:

The Perfectionism Trap Of “Being Good Enough”

Want To Manifest Your Perfect Future?

The Genius Hour – 3 Steps To A Powerful Morning + Challenge